Onions? But onions are GROSS!

I've noticed as you get to know someone, whether this process takes days, or weeks, or as long as months and years you get to a breaking point. I believe that this occurs when we get to a point where we feel like we know the breadth of a person, but haven't quite delved into the deep part of their character. This is known as social penetration theory in the communication realm (woot woot). We as individuals are like onions, as Shrek so simply phrased it. We have layers that we allow others to see, or to sit at. For instance, generally at the grocery store, we let our very first layer show, as with all acquaintances. We don't go into much depth, as we actually don't go into a lot of breadth, just enough to pass. Now of course someone always will violate this norm, and you get the crazy guy that will tell you all about how he and his wife are going through a separation and all he wants is to be back with her, then you have the crazy lady telling you all about the reason she is buying hemorrhoid cream. These are the violaters of the penetration theory.

Back to the case at hand: breaking point. This is reached when you as the askee have covered throughly all of one layer- the breadth. What occurs is that it is in the natural progression of things to peel that layer off and immerse into a new layer or, a 'new side' of the individual. The breaking point- self hypothesized mind you, is that you reach this point and they display a vast amount of resistance and slowly crack, or they stonewall, ya know, Fort Knox, refuse to crack. This refusing to budge could be because they don't trust you with this type of information, they aren't comfortable with it themselves, or they are subconsciously blocking it as a defense mechanism- which is kind of a combination of the first two, the difference being that they are unaware that they are doing it.

This is as was fore mentioned a self found phenomenon. I would suggest to those of you that just want to get to know the individual to just be patient. They will see that you are not being pushy and that you purely want to know and understand them better. Realize that their reservations to them are frightening or disconcerting. It is with utter importance that you handle this weird stage delicately. Remember that we are all individuals, and we all interpret our world in a very VERY different way than any others. Another key to getting someone to open up, or move you down a level is known as the norm of reciprocity, or first you engage in self disclosure and they see it, and in turn they reciprocate!

Switching gears to a slightly different topic, i would implore you to look at people as those sweet A pop up books, and not as a simple short childrens book. There are so many avenues to explore! Some people you may have known your whole entire life, and you can still find something new out about them! Not only is this due to simply not asking, but to the fact that people change, we hopefully progress and evolve and not regress.

To finish on that note, we see that if we view one another as little kids books, plain and simple, unilateral, we will get bored, and rob ourselves of the opportunity to enrich our lives by knowing more and dismissing what could be a really interesting individual. It also gives them the short end of the stick by implying that they are boring and there isn't much to their character.. sounds a little insulting if you ask me. Thus we reach the denouement to realize that assumptions are dangerous, and more often than not, completely and utterly wrong! So be real with people, and don't guess. More often than not we are all glad to answer questions!