Barbie. Really?

Can you think too much? I submit you can! I know there have been posts about just doing stuff and doing it because you can and yada yada, and so i think this serves as a hybrid of sorts.

Putting thought into everything you do can be tiresome- thus my advocating the do stuff because you can. It seems as though there always is a purpose or reason for why we do things. Which works ya know, but even the most random excuses work!

One of my favorite past times is negating. What is this you may ask? WELL. I'll give you some instances.

Wearing an awesome band shirt, and wearing a bow. This I take great pride in because it's like, whoa is she one of those girls who is totally hardcore and likes herself some good prog. rock, or is she a sweet lil thing who should be playing with barbies? As individuals, we tend to polarize things. Heaven forbid i love me some Coheed and Cambria, but like cool bows in my hair because it spices things up. We never seek for the alternative reason, and honestly can be so off base with people strictly because of our assumptions. Its ok to feel the need to generalize because it can be what it seems. Because I am wearing a Coheed and Cambria shirt it is ok to assume that I probably listen to and like Coheed! It isn't ok to assume though that I am a depressed girl that only listens to progressive rock, like Coheed, and that I am incapable of being social.

The element of surprise is such a fun thing to toy with.

That is honestly why I do stuff like wear bows and band shirts.
That's why I wear converse and skirts.
That's why when i wear all black I am super friendly to people.
That is why i love my ipod!
That's why I shoot guns with nails.
That's why i have a freakin faux hawk.

Because i like bands and bows and converses... you get the picture. Creating that dissonance is so fulfilling to me! I don't see why it's not ok to merge the things you like together! It's ok to like UFC and to paint your nails. Who says it isn't? I do what i want! That is the beauty of being here and now. We can choose what we like, and honestly don't have to have a reason for it.

A smile creeps on my face when I have my ipod on shuffle because its like, honestly what is next?! I have a fabulous All That Remains song playing, and then Josh Groban is next. Then a Carrie Underwood song comes on, then my Hawaiian. I find a thrill unparalleled when that happens. So back to the matter at the beginning: Thinking too much. Ir actually isn't thinking too much, it may just be having a strange motivation and being methodical in our choices. In the bow and Coheed instance, I put thought into that because i get a kick out of it! I like confusing people and throwing it all off. It requires re-evaluation and makes us all take a step back. It allows for less judgment and more understanding, which is what we are all in dire need of right? Just consider that.

I just can't get enough!

You know when it feels like life is giving you the same ole thing? It seems like most things you can expect and it's all run of the mill? As individuals we seem to develop scripts for every situation we are placed in. Which is kind of the point here in life. It seems that we as individuals do not like the unexpected. As a matter of fact I would say that most avoid it like the plague! Some of us are more prone to this type of thinking than others, and even if we don't mind the unexpected it's sort of strange to think that we can make it more pleasant by expecting the unexpected.

Honestly think about that, is the unexpected still 'unexpected' if you expect it? Let me answer my own question. I think that in a way we can never fully expect what the unexpected is. We can know that there will be change and non-scripted moments in our lives, but we can't quite know when they will occur or what they will be. Most importantly we can't know how we will react. We can hope that we will act a certain way, but there isn't a sure way to know, and we really can surprise ourselves.

Personally, change has come and kicked my trash, and at some point everyone deserves a good butt kicking! I try to be grateful- it's like a much needed awakening! It the beauty of life my dears, and it keeps us bouncing back. It keeps life interesting. Interesting is a word that seems appropriate because the changes that we experience, try as we might to find the positive in them, won't be altogether positive. I appreciate it for this specific purpose though: It pulls the real-ness out of people. It is an opportunity to venture into the true core of a person, and see what they are really about. You find out so much about people and yourself at this point in time

Also another reason for keeping planning to a minimum, or at least being 'subject to change'.There are two routes as i see it. Those people who never accomplish anything because they can't commit to plans and just can't seem make it happen for themselves. On the other hand there are those who get frazzled and irritable when things do not go precisely as planned. It seems fitting to find a happy medium for most. If you are a bit of a spontaneous sheila or chap like myself, have tentative ideas, but not definite plans. The spontaneity will kick in and allow you to get things accomplished. If you are a little on the planned side, half of what i'm saying is probably sending you into cardiac arrest. So it may not be your style. It is healthy to find a place between though, and adapt with what you are doing presently.

Wherever you lay on the spectrum of spontaneity and planning, it is good to remember to be flexible with change and be grateful for the change of pace. If it is slower be glad you have time to do more things, if it is faster be glad you have so much going for you and look forward to the finish line!

Alas, to be human is to err. But man, we learn so much if we will just pay attention :)

Onions? But onions are GROSS!

I've noticed as you get to know someone, whether this process takes days, or weeks, or as long as months and years you get to a breaking point. I believe that this occurs when we get to a point where we feel like we know the breadth of a person, but haven't quite delved into the deep part of their character. This is known as social penetration theory in the communication realm (woot woot). We as individuals are like onions, as Shrek so simply phrased it. We have layers that we allow others to see, or to sit at. For instance, generally at the grocery store, we let our very first layer show, as with all acquaintances. We don't go into much depth, as we actually don't go into a lot of breadth, just enough to pass. Now of course someone always will violate this norm, and you get the crazy guy that will tell you all about how he and his wife are going through a separation and all he wants is to be back with her, then you have the crazy lady telling you all about the reason she is buying hemorrhoid cream. These are the violaters of the penetration theory.

Back to the case at hand: breaking point. This is reached when you as the askee have covered throughly all of one layer- the breadth. What occurs is that it is in the natural progression of things to peel that layer off and immerse into a new layer or, a 'new side' of the individual. The breaking point- self hypothesized mind you, is that you reach this point and they display a vast amount of resistance and slowly crack, or they stonewall, ya know, Fort Knox, refuse to crack. This refusing to budge could be because they don't trust you with this type of information, they aren't comfortable with it themselves, or they are subconsciously blocking it as a defense mechanism- which is kind of a combination of the first two, the difference being that they are unaware that they are doing it.

This is as was fore mentioned a self found phenomenon. I would suggest to those of you that just want to get to know the individual to just be patient. They will see that you are not being pushy and that you purely want to know and understand them better. Realize that their reservations to them are frightening or disconcerting. It is with utter importance that you handle this weird stage delicately. Remember that we are all individuals, and we all interpret our world in a very VERY different way than any others. Another key to getting someone to open up, or move you down a level is known as the norm of reciprocity, or first you engage in self disclosure and they see it, and in turn they reciprocate!

Switching gears to a slightly different topic, i would implore you to look at people as those sweet A pop up books, and not as a simple short childrens book. There are so many avenues to explore! Some people you may have known your whole entire life, and you can still find something new out about them! Not only is this due to simply not asking, but to the fact that people change, we hopefully progress and evolve and not regress.

To finish on that note, we see that if we view one another as little kids books, plain and simple, unilateral, we will get bored, and rob ourselves of the opportunity to enrich our lives by knowing more and dismissing what could be a really interesting individual. It also gives them the short end of the stick by implying that they are boring and there isn't much to their character.. sounds a little insulting if you ask me. Thus we reach the denouement to realize that assumptions are dangerous, and more often than not, completely and utterly wrong! So be real with people, and don't guess. More often than not we are all glad to answer questions!

♥♥♥♥ Aww wuv twu wuv ♥♥♥♥

So there is this big day coming up that many of us are aware of. Good ol Presidents day! I kid i kid. Valentines day! ♥

Just a short note of encouragement to all, Valentines Day doesn't have to suck! I know a ridiculous amount of people, male and female who get annoyed, bitter, angry, frustrated sad, depressed etc. because they 'have no one' on Valentines' day. Of course this is a two-tiered post for the purpose of addressing both types- the single and the not so single.


♫All the Single Ladies!♪ (and dudes)

Valentines day, if you are single, can be brutal. People on this day of Love are parading themselves about, holding hands, being all cutesy, and ogling one another and every store you enter looks like Valentines just threw up. Everything is pink or red and the word LOVE seems to be all encompassing. Guess what? It's ok to be a little perturbed. It's ok to be a little resentful and whatever, but keep in mind, as was fore mentioned, Valentines is a Day of Love. It doesn't have to be the love of a significant romantic other, it's just love in general. Sure the focus is on those of the exclusive long relationship type, but that isn't all it's about. Remember how in elementary we all made cute Valentine's day boxes and everyone had to bring Valentines for EVERYONE? See it's not all about significant others. Show your parents, your siblings, your friends and those whom you appreciate, how much you actually do appreciate all they do for you, and all they do in general. Valentines' day isn't made to make anyone feel bad or low, it 's function is quite the contrary. Try not to be upset, and just make the best of this day! Don't feel bad about yourself because you aren't with someone, be glad you are single and have no one to answer to! ♪ All my single ladies- get yo hands up!♫



♪Love Love Love I want your Love♫

Valentines day is said to be easier if you are in a relationship,or in the process of getting into a relationship. You have someone to focus all your lovin on. The day is all about them, and together you can hopefully bask in the day of love as we so wonderfully call it. Hopefullly this day will serve as a call to remembrance for those who have been in a relationship for a while! While Valentines in meant as a special day to channel all of your affections, it's with increasing importance that one remembers the other 364 days of the year. If you have a loved one, you have a responsibility. Show them every single day how much you care for them. Whether you tell them, write it to them show them in many many ways- it doesn't really matter. Valentines day is simply a day for you to ponder a little more, and perhaps recognize how lucky you are. If you fall into this category, you have something that most single people in the entire world envy. You have something that is so special and fragile. Don't forget! People and relationships are the reason that we all exist.

Moral of the story is: Valentines day is great. It's overall purpose is to show people our love and appreciation. Don't be mad get glad. It will be great, just alter your attitude, it's just another day. Whether you are single or taken, there are people that love you no matter what and you always will 'have someone'. Have a delightful Valentines :)
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I don't care what you say, i'mma be nice.

These last two weeks of this semester have been great. Finally I'm beginning to make my life as random as I am. It isn't all me, so I can't give myself all of the credit- and keep in mind that not everything that is deemed exciting is necessarily positive. I have had to go to Vegas twice, end up in St. George about 3 times a week and have random awesome bruises and pictures to show for it!


If one would recall my last post, we discussed doing things because WE CAN. I figured i have to be the biggest advocate for this type of behavior so i had better partake of this crazy awesomeness I like to call life. Remember that these things don't have to be enormous and grand gestures or crazy ridiculous things that could potentially hurt someone or yourself. To some having a hand stand constitutes something crazy that they can do just because, well they can! Some it will take a little more, like lighting off M80's or streaking across a football field while the game is going. Some of us are more adrenaline junkies than others :)

This isn't the greatest segway but it i will do. Being yourself is so important to your own personal happiness. If you can't be yourself, life becomes a lot less fun and interesting. Don't be afraid to be you. Don't alter your behavior because it will help other people to swallow the whole of you more easily. You know it's ok to be glad or look happy when socially or situationally you 'shouldn't' be. It's ok to not be thrilled about something that most find thrilling. Remember to act out your own emotions, you aren't in someone else's play so don't act that way. The catch is to make sure that someone you really l.o.v.e or care for isn't reaping the negative consequences of your actions. Consider others and make sure that just because you want to do something stupid, that they won't feel the repercussions of it. I have to work on this all the time, i'm definitely not the best example of this but i think it's important enough that someone mention it.


Now to the fun part. I like experiencing things. I might be a slight adrenaline junkie as was fore mentioned. So anyway, i feel it altogether humorous to share this with you all.......
yup. that's me :) Long story short, I had a warrant out for two things, seatbelt ticket, which is bogus, and another traffic violation in Midvale city. The funny thing was that I had taken care of the Midvale city ticket, and it should not have still been on my record. I got handcuffed and taken to JAIL. The bookies thought i was just too sweet to be in jail, so they didn't even put me in a cell.

Awesome things about jail
1. They ask you if you have any enemies
2. You find out the guy that stole your camera 4 years ago is still being stupid with the law
3. You get an awesome photo of yourself
4. You get random texts afterward asking you if you got arrested.. yeah people check this stuff
5. You don't study for your test the next day because once you're out ya gotta relish freedom
6. Guy from #2 hits on you and stares at your butt
7. If you're pleasant enough you don't have to go in a cell
8. Bookies probably want to ask you to take a sobriety test because you are so goofy
9. When bookies actually believe you were headed to a church meeting.. guess peeps use that
10. You just laugh the whole time, and bookies agree that you probably shouldn't be there

This has to do with acting like myself.. I think logically i should have been a lot more i dunno.. terrified, but I just laughed. Humor is definitely my vice, and i just found it so ironic! Jail isn't that bad, but I don't plan on going again... ever! Just another experience to add to the pot i suppose! Yay life!!!

I do what I want!

I've come to realize a pattern in my posts lately, and I see that a lot of what I'm writing about is of the serious persuasion, which is legit and awesome, but I'm not completely sure it's representative of me. I do think a boat load about serious stuff, most know me as, well hilarious. (According to me :)) Sooooo I think about goofy stuff all the time, but the other day I was discussing this particular topic with ma peeps and Wingers for some reason always reminds me of this.

Do you ever do things just because you can? Or just because no one is watching? Well. Let me illustrate; I remember Wingers because it was in the bathroom that I had this epiphany. Trust me this isn't going where you think it is. Back to the epiphany. As soon as the door to the bathroom closed, I knew I was the only one in there, so I did the weirdest friggen dance ever. It was like Hello Dolly, mixed with Steam Heat. I looked up in the mirror and realized what I was doing and decided to discuss this phenomenon with my fellow Wingeroo (The person I eating lunch with at Winger's- catch the jargon).

I thought that it was funny that I did something so weird, but then came to the conclusion that I am weird soooo that wasn't a big deviation of my norm. Yet it let me wondering if anyone else does it- it as in something unconscious and absolutely just strange because they can.

Then I wondered if someone else had been in there, would I still have done it? I think I would, and just let them laugh at me in our controlled potty trained women's environment. NBD. I actually have been caught doing something like that before, like a celebratory dance or like mocking someone you don't like. It reminds me of that scene in 50 First Dates where Drew and Adam just have their first encounter and arrange to meet again, they both start dancing then the Spam (which is scrumptious b.t. dubs) truck pulls out, and they conclude that they were 'swatting away bees' scene takes place.

Basically I figured I do weird things, and I don't want people to feel awkward so I do the weirdEST things in my own little space! When others happen to enter into and partake of the weirdness I don't really mind as long as they don't. So I am sure if you know me, you have partook of this with me so, that's pretty rad, and I know you know what I'm talkin about.

Doing things just because you can is also swell, and I consider this to be more of a conscious activity. For instance, you are sitting in class or at a basketball game wherever you be, and you find a rubber band on the floor. Now there are so many things you can do with that rubber band, its absolutely thrilling. A. You can pop that baby in your mouth B. You can pick it up and stretch it play with it, whatever C. You can flick your neighbor with it D. You can pick a good target and fire away. Now just because you can, I would fire that thing away. We have many roles and rules and while we are pretty free individuals, we don't take the chance to just do stuff... because we can! You don't have to have a reason for why you did something. Note please, that these are minor things. You are gonna have to have an alibi if you are suspected of streaking across campus, if someone goes missing or you were supposed to be somewhere.

Consider doing random stuff. It keeps you alive and young and fun :)

So this one year..

As I have previously mentioned, as the end of the year approaches, it is a great idea to think about what you've learned, things you have accomplished and other things that didn't quite happen the way they needed to. So I thought that maybe I would share a little insight of my own from the fun filled year of 2009.

This past year, was like no other. While there was personal change and alteration, I noticed that a lot of things that were external. Bear with me, and hopefully I can learn something through the writing process.

Love as a unit, love as individuals.
This may seem a little strange, but I came to find out something that I hadn't realized could exist in this sphere. Love will always be love, and carries with it this extraordinary power that I do not completely comprehend. I have heard of some people being in love with the concept of love- and this makes a little more sense. I loved an idea. I also loved the individuals within the idea, but i had never distinguished a difference. What happens is the dynamic changes. People encompassed in this love as a unit idea are still loved, but the unit has drastically changed and it throws off perceptions. There are numerous examples of this, but to be more specific, I will talk about Ray and Max.They are my new baby brothers, born April 16, 2009. I was convinced that our family was set. Hayden was the youngest and that was that. Our family was getting older, and to that stage where you discover you like each other. Then all of a sudden twins! I was so stunned by the news I didn't know how to react. As I contemplated how I would approach this I realized it was going to be difficult. As idiotic as it sounds I was afraid that they wouldn't fit in. But they came sure enough and it was unbelievable to find how quickly these little guys melted my heart. These little guys threw a wrench into my conception of family, but it was good. I saw that I love all members of my family, instead of the family as a unit, thus love as individuals vs. love as a unit.


Expectations.
This one took a long time for me to grasp. I'm talking years and years of experience after experience. People will let you down. It is a fact. No one is perfect and if we think they are, we have got something coming to us. We are all human. I expected people to behave in a consistent way, and to always be able to do so. This is not feasible. It seems that the problem existed in my head, and therein lie the solution as well. I held people to this unshakable non-moving spot. They were one could venture to say, on a pedestal of sorts. They had never forgotten about me, they had never ditched me, they never lied to me or omitted the truth, as far as I knew. Once i found out that there was a transgression, my view of them was completely skewed, and I was perplexed at where they would now fit in my brain. These people weren't bad, i didn't love them less, but I felt let down strangely. I stopped of course to consider this, and I found that I know for a fact I have let many people down with my inconsistent behavior. I know there have been phone calls I forgot to make, calls I didn't pick up, birthdays I had forgotten, and other events that some would have liked to share with me, and I fell through. If I have been this to you, know that I truly apologize. In this train of thought I realized how vital it is to forgive, and give the benefit of the doubt. Just because someone forgot about an engagement you had, doesn't mean they forgot about you, or don't care about you anymore, it simply means they are human. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Overlook faults that great people in your life are bound to have. It makes it so much easier to love, and to let yourself be loved that way.

It's all a matter of thought.
There may be times in your life when something that had never occurred to you, does. You look at something from a completely different angle and it blows your mind. The trick is, to not be afraid to look. You have to take risks to achieve greatness, or find something incredible. Nothing will fall into your lap without a little work. It's conceptual. The world around you may not change, but if the way you view it, does. You can guarantee that you will discover something new. Often people feel alone and unloved. It obviously does not mean that they in reality are alone and unloved, it is just the way they see it. One can feel abandoned and unwanted, and then they will find a friend who tells them how much they love and appreciate them, or they will come to Christ. These friends never did not love you, you just forgot they did. You were looking in the wrong lense. Nothing had changed except for your view.

Also randomly I have unfortunately found that consideration is not universal which i feel glum reporting. On a much more awesome note, our capabilities are endless. Honestly think about it. What could you be doing RIGHT NOW? So many things. Volunteering in South America, blowing money in Vegas, studying, sleeping, and other things you can easily imagine. I know I've said this plenty of times but i can not seem to get over the inane potential that we all possess should we choose to exploit it. Also to never take someone for granted. You can never know how much longer they will be in your life. We all need each other, and that is a fact. There is no refutation. We rely on one another, even if that means that it only entails having other cars on the road when we are driving to school, or someone to check you out at the grocery store. Any who. Consider your year, and hopefully it will spur a better and more successful one for each of us :)