I just can't get enough!

You know when it feels like life is giving you the same ole thing? It seems like most things you can expect and it's all run of the mill? As individuals we seem to develop scripts for every situation we are placed in. Which is kind of the point here in life. It seems that we as individuals do not like the unexpected. As a matter of fact I would say that most avoid it like the plague! Some of us are more prone to this type of thinking than others, and even if we don't mind the unexpected it's sort of strange to think that we can make it more pleasant by expecting the unexpected.

Honestly think about that, is the unexpected still 'unexpected' if you expect it? Let me answer my own question. I think that in a way we can never fully expect what the unexpected is. We can know that there will be change and non-scripted moments in our lives, but we can't quite know when they will occur or what they will be. Most importantly we can't know how we will react. We can hope that we will act a certain way, but there isn't a sure way to know, and we really can surprise ourselves.

Personally, change has come and kicked my trash, and at some point everyone deserves a good butt kicking! I try to be grateful- it's like a much needed awakening! It the beauty of life my dears, and it keeps us bouncing back. It keeps life interesting. Interesting is a word that seems appropriate because the changes that we experience, try as we might to find the positive in them, won't be altogether positive. I appreciate it for this specific purpose though: It pulls the real-ness out of people. It is an opportunity to venture into the true core of a person, and see what they are really about. You find out so much about people and yourself at this point in time

Also another reason for keeping planning to a minimum, or at least being 'subject to change'.There are two routes as i see it. Those people who never accomplish anything because they can't commit to plans and just can't seem make it happen for themselves. On the other hand there are those who get frazzled and irritable when things do not go precisely as planned. It seems fitting to find a happy medium for most. If you are a bit of a spontaneous sheila or chap like myself, have tentative ideas, but not definite plans. The spontaneity will kick in and allow you to get things accomplished. If you are a little on the planned side, half of what i'm saying is probably sending you into cardiac arrest. So it may not be your style. It is healthy to find a place between though, and adapt with what you are doing presently.

Wherever you lay on the spectrum of spontaneity and planning, it is good to remember to be flexible with change and be grateful for the change of pace. If it is slower be glad you have time to do more things, if it is faster be glad you have so much going for you and look forward to the finish line!

Alas, to be human is to err. But man, we learn so much if we will just pay attention :)

Onions? But onions are GROSS!

I've noticed as you get to know someone, whether this process takes days, or weeks, or as long as months and years you get to a breaking point. I believe that this occurs when we get to a point where we feel like we know the breadth of a person, but haven't quite delved into the deep part of their character. This is known as social penetration theory in the communication realm (woot woot). We as individuals are like onions, as Shrek so simply phrased it. We have layers that we allow others to see, or to sit at. For instance, generally at the grocery store, we let our very first layer show, as with all acquaintances. We don't go into much depth, as we actually don't go into a lot of breadth, just enough to pass. Now of course someone always will violate this norm, and you get the crazy guy that will tell you all about how he and his wife are going through a separation and all he wants is to be back with her, then you have the crazy lady telling you all about the reason she is buying hemorrhoid cream. These are the violaters of the penetration theory.

Back to the case at hand: breaking point. This is reached when you as the askee have covered throughly all of one layer- the breadth. What occurs is that it is in the natural progression of things to peel that layer off and immerse into a new layer or, a 'new side' of the individual. The breaking point- self hypothesized mind you, is that you reach this point and they display a vast amount of resistance and slowly crack, or they stonewall, ya know, Fort Knox, refuse to crack. This refusing to budge could be because they don't trust you with this type of information, they aren't comfortable with it themselves, or they are subconsciously blocking it as a defense mechanism- which is kind of a combination of the first two, the difference being that they are unaware that they are doing it.

This is as was fore mentioned a self found phenomenon. I would suggest to those of you that just want to get to know the individual to just be patient. They will see that you are not being pushy and that you purely want to know and understand them better. Realize that their reservations to them are frightening or disconcerting. It is with utter importance that you handle this weird stage delicately. Remember that we are all individuals, and we all interpret our world in a very VERY different way than any others. Another key to getting someone to open up, or move you down a level is known as the norm of reciprocity, or first you engage in self disclosure and they see it, and in turn they reciprocate!

Switching gears to a slightly different topic, i would implore you to look at people as those sweet A pop up books, and not as a simple short childrens book. There are so many avenues to explore! Some people you may have known your whole entire life, and you can still find something new out about them! Not only is this due to simply not asking, but to the fact that people change, we hopefully progress and evolve and not regress.

To finish on that note, we see that if we view one another as little kids books, plain and simple, unilateral, we will get bored, and rob ourselves of the opportunity to enrich our lives by knowing more and dismissing what could be a really interesting individual. It also gives them the short end of the stick by implying that they are boring and there isn't much to their character.. sounds a little insulting if you ask me. Thus we reach the denouement to realize that assumptions are dangerous, and more often than not, completely and utterly wrong! So be real with people, and don't guess. More often than not we are all glad to answer questions!