I do what I want!

I've come to realize a pattern in my posts lately, and I see that a lot of what I'm writing about is of the serious persuasion, which is legit and awesome, but I'm not completely sure it's representative of me. I do think a boat load about serious stuff, most know me as, well hilarious. (According to me :)) Sooooo I think about goofy stuff all the time, but the other day I was discussing this particular topic with ma peeps and Wingers for some reason always reminds me of this.

Do you ever do things just because you can? Or just because no one is watching? Well. Let me illustrate; I remember Wingers because it was in the bathroom that I had this epiphany. Trust me this isn't going where you think it is. Back to the epiphany. As soon as the door to the bathroom closed, I knew I was the only one in there, so I did the weirdest friggen dance ever. It was like Hello Dolly, mixed with Steam Heat. I looked up in the mirror and realized what I was doing and decided to discuss this phenomenon with my fellow Wingeroo (The person I eating lunch with at Winger's- catch the jargon).

I thought that it was funny that I did something so weird, but then came to the conclusion that I am weird soooo that wasn't a big deviation of my norm. Yet it let me wondering if anyone else does it- it as in something unconscious and absolutely just strange because they can.

Then I wondered if someone else had been in there, would I still have done it? I think I would, and just let them laugh at me in our controlled potty trained women's environment. NBD. I actually have been caught doing something like that before, like a celebratory dance or like mocking someone you don't like. It reminds me of that scene in 50 First Dates where Drew and Adam just have their first encounter and arrange to meet again, they both start dancing then the Spam (which is scrumptious b.t. dubs) truck pulls out, and they conclude that they were 'swatting away bees' scene takes place.

Basically I figured I do weird things, and I don't want people to feel awkward so I do the weirdEST things in my own little space! When others happen to enter into and partake of the weirdness I don't really mind as long as they don't. So I am sure if you know me, you have partook of this with me so, that's pretty rad, and I know you know what I'm talkin about.

Doing things just because you can is also swell, and I consider this to be more of a conscious activity. For instance, you are sitting in class or at a basketball game wherever you be, and you find a rubber band on the floor. Now there are so many things you can do with that rubber band, its absolutely thrilling. A. You can pop that baby in your mouth B. You can pick it up and stretch it play with it, whatever C. You can flick your neighbor with it D. You can pick a good target and fire away. Now just because you can, I would fire that thing away. We have many roles and rules and while we are pretty free individuals, we don't take the chance to just do stuff... because we can! You don't have to have a reason for why you did something. Note please, that these are minor things. You are gonna have to have an alibi if you are suspected of streaking across campus, if someone goes missing or you were supposed to be somewhere.

Consider doing random stuff. It keeps you alive and young and fun :)

So this one year..

As I have previously mentioned, as the end of the year approaches, it is a great idea to think about what you've learned, things you have accomplished and other things that didn't quite happen the way they needed to. So I thought that maybe I would share a little insight of my own from the fun filled year of 2009.

This past year, was like no other. While there was personal change and alteration, I noticed that a lot of things that were external. Bear with me, and hopefully I can learn something through the writing process.

Love as a unit, love as individuals.
This may seem a little strange, but I came to find out something that I hadn't realized could exist in this sphere. Love will always be love, and carries with it this extraordinary power that I do not completely comprehend. I have heard of some people being in love with the concept of love- and this makes a little more sense. I loved an idea. I also loved the individuals within the idea, but i had never distinguished a difference. What happens is the dynamic changes. People encompassed in this love as a unit idea are still loved, but the unit has drastically changed and it throws off perceptions. There are numerous examples of this, but to be more specific, I will talk about Ray and Max.They are my new baby brothers, born April 16, 2009. I was convinced that our family was set. Hayden was the youngest and that was that. Our family was getting older, and to that stage where you discover you like each other. Then all of a sudden twins! I was so stunned by the news I didn't know how to react. As I contemplated how I would approach this I realized it was going to be difficult. As idiotic as it sounds I was afraid that they wouldn't fit in. But they came sure enough and it was unbelievable to find how quickly these little guys melted my heart. These little guys threw a wrench into my conception of family, but it was good. I saw that I love all members of my family, instead of the family as a unit, thus love as individuals vs. love as a unit.


Expectations.
This one took a long time for me to grasp. I'm talking years and years of experience after experience. People will let you down. It is a fact. No one is perfect and if we think they are, we have got something coming to us. We are all human. I expected people to behave in a consistent way, and to always be able to do so. This is not feasible. It seems that the problem existed in my head, and therein lie the solution as well. I held people to this unshakable non-moving spot. They were one could venture to say, on a pedestal of sorts. They had never forgotten about me, they had never ditched me, they never lied to me or omitted the truth, as far as I knew. Once i found out that there was a transgression, my view of them was completely skewed, and I was perplexed at where they would now fit in my brain. These people weren't bad, i didn't love them less, but I felt let down strangely. I stopped of course to consider this, and I found that I know for a fact I have let many people down with my inconsistent behavior. I know there have been phone calls I forgot to make, calls I didn't pick up, birthdays I had forgotten, and other events that some would have liked to share with me, and I fell through. If I have been this to you, know that I truly apologize. In this train of thought I realized how vital it is to forgive, and give the benefit of the doubt. Just because someone forgot about an engagement you had, doesn't mean they forgot about you, or don't care about you anymore, it simply means they are human. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Overlook faults that great people in your life are bound to have. It makes it so much easier to love, and to let yourself be loved that way.

It's all a matter of thought.
There may be times in your life when something that had never occurred to you, does. You look at something from a completely different angle and it blows your mind. The trick is, to not be afraid to look. You have to take risks to achieve greatness, or find something incredible. Nothing will fall into your lap without a little work. It's conceptual. The world around you may not change, but if the way you view it, does. You can guarantee that you will discover something new. Often people feel alone and unloved. It obviously does not mean that they in reality are alone and unloved, it is just the way they see it. One can feel abandoned and unwanted, and then they will find a friend who tells them how much they love and appreciate them, or they will come to Christ. These friends never did not love you, you just forgot they did. You were looking in the wrong lense. Nothing had changed except for your view.

Also randomly I have unfortunately found that consideration is not universal which i feel glum reporting. On a much more awesome note, our capabilities are endless. Honestly think about it. What could you be doing RIGHT NOW? So many things. Volunteering in South America, blowing money in Vegas, studying, sleeping, and other things you can easily imagine. I know I've said this plenty of times but i can not seem to get over the inane potential that we all possess should we choose to exploit it. Also to never take someone for granted. You can never know how much longer they will be in your life. We all need each other, and that is a fact. There is no refutation. We rely on one another, even if that means that it only entails having other cars on the road when we are driving to school, or someone to check you out at the grocery store. Any who. Consider your year, and hopefully it will spur a better and more successful one for each of us :)